A late start to the Christmas cleaning plan

[Whusky]

I've been doing the HGP for years now, and this is the first year where it's all gone wrong.
Work and my home life has been crazy busy, and then I was involved in a serious car crash which has caused endless problems.
My husband has been working from home this year, and I've been working outside of the home, meaning the house is generally more messier and unorganised than usual, which is just typical really

I have started some Christmas shopping, I almost have the Advent calendars completed (I make my own), and I have started on long-term food shopping. Other than that, I have not done anything. No cleaning, no decluttering. I have no idea of what is going on in terms of guests/outings/events.

I just feel totally out of it this year. Can I ask what you would prioritize doing if you were in a similar situation? Any advice appreciated.

 

[Holiday_Mom]

I understand! I'm a bit behind right now. But in other years, when feeling that same way, I have made a list of things that are important for me to feel like Christmas is going to be Christmas. For me, writing out Christmas cards, doing Christmas shopping, wrapping gifts ahead so it's enjoyable and frenzied and having my favorite foods would be the priority.

My evenings have been used in the past to get holiday cleaning/decluttering done but it's been harder this year with extra meetings. I would like to move it to the weekends but the weekends are just as busy. I will start penciling in the holiday prep time in my planner and start saying no to outside things. Ultimately, I'm a happier person when the house is in order.

 

[Lori K]

I can empathize with how you're feeling, though my reasons for feeling that way several years ago were from a different cause (loss of a spouse). What I can offer is this -- breathe ... just remember that when you are feeling flustered, stressed, overwhelmed, just stop and breathe. Regardless of what we do to prepare our home for the holidays, there will always be things we wished we'd done differently, things that become stressful, opportunities we feel were missed. In the long run, it doesn't matter one bit. What matters is that we surround ourselves with the ones we love, and cherish those times, creating memories of a meaningful Christmas.

I'd suggest that you gather the family around and have a heart to heart talk about the holidays, how you can't do as much as you have in the past, due to your injuries, and let your family know that you really, really need their help this year. As strange as it may seem, family can be dense when it comes to things like this. They don't automatically notice that we need help until we (figuratively) knock them upside the head with a brick while yelling "hey you, yes you ... lend me a hand, please????" I commented to my DD a couple of years ago (during a rough patch), "guys can be dumb as a box of rocks, and they are not mind readers. You have to spell it out for them like a 2nd grader, or they won't have a clue. They will look over that glob of toothpaste in the sink for 2 weeks, unless you personally point it out and tell them to wipe it off. Unless you say something, they aren't going to absorb it via osmosis."

If you have kids at home, perhaps

• task them with two hours each weekend getting their rooms straightened, dusted, and vacuumed. If age appropriate, sheets changed, beds made, and laundry to the washer. Anything they do is better than nothing, and it's better than you having to stress over it. You can always shut their doors and no one will be the wiser.
• have them bring all laundry to the laundry room by a certain day and time, sorting by clothing type or color, so it's one less thing you need to do. My mom had a rule that, if your clothes weren't there by Friday AM, before we left for school, it wasn't getting done -- including our work uniforms needed for the weekend. And, any change or tip money left in our pockets, went into the "Mom's tips" jar and was not returned. I lost $57 in hard earned tips one time and never again -- 40+ years later, and I still remember that dollar figure. My sisters each lost that much, if not more. We all learned a valuable lesson that summer.
• prepare a task list each week for the Room of the Week + a room you've missed. Ask each to tackle an item or two from that list. That's a task you don't have to do. Perhaps attach a reward for large chores that take more effort or something that could be done by teamwork -- maybe something like "good for 1 dozen cookies, all to yourself" or "good for your choice for dinner on Friday night." If they always want tacos or pizza, let them work for it.
• keep a weekly chore chart to get a little assistance with maintenance tasks.

If it's just you and your spouse, have a frank talk about what his expectations are and what your capability is right now, while you're still recovering. What tasks are absolutely a must? What can he pick up from the absolutely must-be-done list? How can you accomplish the remainder, given your limitations? Can you bring a cleaning lady in, just for now, to help with deep cleaning? Maybe once or twice a month until Christmas or until you're back 100%? Maybe he could cover it and let that be your Christmas gift?

Know that, for this one year, if your home only gets a surface cleaning, so be it. Seriously, if you're hosting a gathering, what are the chances someone's going to "white glove test" the inside of your cabinets or check that your towels are all folded and neatly stacked inside the linen closet? If they do, and especially if they make a rude comment, be sure to reciprocate next time you're at their place [wink wink]. My place went 5 years before I had the energy to wipe down the baseboards. I don't think anyone ever noticed. If they'd said anything, my response would have been, "and yours are ????" (read: "Don't go there! Payback's a B!%@#!!!!")

But mostly, just breathe ... it's all good. You are here, alive, to celebrate the holiday with your family. That's the real gift! Huge hugs!

 

[missjane]

Honestly, from August (mid) until almost Christmas is one of my family's busiest time of year because almost everyone in my family teach and/or coach (my dad before he passed away - literally walked off the football field and collapsed from a heart attack, never regained consciousness and died 9 days later. my husband until last year. my son currently coaches and both grandsons play - junior high and high school). We're at ballgames 2 nights a week, sometimes 3 - Monday (sometimes), Thursday, Friday.

We attend church 2 nights a week - Wednesday and Sunday.

All of that leaves little time to work on either the HGP or HHP.

I would talk, first, to DH and ask if he can help with the increased messiness. He may not realize the mental and physical stress it causes you. I'm not sure he's a cause of it, but if so, say something - nicely! lol If he's leaving his work area messy, ask him to tidy it at the end of his work shift. If he's leaving dirty dishes, ask him to, at least, put them in the sink or dishwasher, etc. Can he throw a load of clothes into the washer or swap clothes from the washer into the dryer for you? Can he start the evening meal before you get home? I don't know his habits, so these may all be way off base!

Decide what's most important and focus on that. Release some of your expectations, at least for this year. I know we all want the house to be company ready and worthy, but will they not come or not enjoy it if our homes aren't perfect? Is that why they're coming? If your home has always been the home that everyone comes to for the holidays, maybe it's time to let someone else do it this year if it's too much.

Maybe this is the year you skip the deep cleaning. Do you really need to take down the curtains and wash them, clean out your closet or jewelry box, go through all the medicine in the cabinet, take everything out of the pantry and clean?? Maybe this is the year that you surface clean only. Dust your dresser and chest of drawers. Put away all the clothes. Vacuum the curtains and window sills. Sweep and mop. When extra time presents itself, do the deep cleaning if you want to.

I noticed your children are 10 and 11??? They are old enough to help with general tasks around the house, too, (and may do this already). If they don't, start getting them to help. While they're cleaning the kitchen, sweeping, mopping, washing and folding clothes, after the evening meal, you can work on some of those deep cleaning tasks. Leave them a list of things to do before you get home from work if they get home before you do. I'm not saying make them do it all the time, but they can pitch in and help. It's surprising how the freeing up of just that 15 - 30 minutes of time can allow so many more things to get done that are things you need to take care of yourself. Get everyone to pitch in for 25 minutes before bedtime to tidy things up - dirty clothes into the laundry hamper, shoes into the closet, set the launching station for the next morning so you're not running around looking for the elusive backpack, belt, shoes, etc., dirty dishes into the dishwasher. Make a plan for breakfast. It makes a difference.

A perfectly clean house makes me happy, too, but I also realize what my time limitations are at this time of year. Be kind and forgiving to yourself. It's great having a perfectly clean and organized home at the holidays, but that's not what's most important to me. Family and making memories is what's most important to me. Many years, I drop back and do the 6 week Christmas Countdown plan. It's the one I'm doing this year. Maybe that's the one that would be better suited to you this year. It's less focused on the deep cleaning. I have a sister whose house is like a tornado has hit it all the time, and she has things at her house for her children/grandchildren. (Sorry, sister, if you ever read this! lol) They don't seem to enjoy it any less because her house isn't spotless. I think we do this more for ourselves than others. And, that's okay, but we also need to give ourselves grace and forgiveness if things aren't picture perfect.

I've written a book - sorry! I just don't want any of us to feel "less than" if we don't got everything on the lists done. HTH!

 

[Ahorsesoul]

I suggest you decide what will make you happy to have done. Not everything has to be done so what is most important to you. What can you just let go, can you hire someone (could be your Christmas gift) to help or enlist a family member or friend to help. I always want my kitchen clean so I start there and then the bathrooms. Anything after that I count as a blessing. Carpet cleaning is something I put off under after the holiday to clean up any holiday messes. And one year for decorating I just had the tree up with lights, no decorations. I was happy with that.

 

[sweetpumkinpye]

I would think about what my top 3 Christmas wishes are and concentrate on those.

I know that it would bother me if the house was not cleaned but if I only had time to do 3 of my favourite things I would do those and not bother with the cleaning. The cleaning can and will wait.
I agree with Lori, family can not know how you are feeling if you do not let them know. So sit down with them and let them know of your anxieties and ask them, for help. They may just surprise you.
Above all remember that Christmas does not need to be picture book perfect. This just may be the best Christmas ever because it may include just the absolute basics. Simple might be the way to go.

 

[jampss]

This isn’t so much a Christmas cleaning video but I love The Minimal Mom and this one on The Silent To Do List spoke volumes to me.

 

[Whusky]

Thank you everyone - I've read all of your messages and I will reply properly tonight.

 

[Whusky]

I understand! I'm a bit behind right now. But in other years, when feeling that same way, I have made a list of things that are important for me to feel like Christmas is going to be Christmas. For me, writing out Christmas cards, doing Christmas shopping, wrapping gifts ahead so it's enjoyable and frenzied and having my favorite foods would be the priority.

My evenings have been used in the past to get holiday cleaning/decluttering done but it's been harder this year with extra meetings. I would like to move it to the weekends but the weekends are just as busy. I will start penciling in the holiday prep time in my planner and start saying no to outside things. Ultimately, I'm a happier person when the house is in order.

Yes - I am also a happier person when the house is somewhat tidier. I doesn't have to be spotless, just tidy-ish.
I struggle to say no; this is something I need to get good at.

I can empathize with how you're feeling, though my reasons for feeling that way several years ago were from a different cause (loss of a spouse). What I can offer is this -- breathe ... just remember that when you are feeling flustered, stressed, overwhelmed, just stop and breathe. Regardless of what we do to prepare our home for the holidays, there will always be things we wished we'd done differently, things that become stressful, opportunities we feel were missed. In the long run, it doesn't matter one bit. What matters is that we surround ourselves with the ones we love, and cherish those times, creating memories of a meaningful Christmas.

I'd suggest that you gather the family around and have a heart to heart talk about the holidays, how you can't do as much as you have in the past, due to your injuries, and let your family know that you really, really need their help this year. As strange as it may seem, family can be dense when it comes to things like this. They don't automatically notice that we need help until we (figuratively) knock them upside the head with a brick while yelling "hey you, yes you ... lend me a hand, please????" I commented to my DD a couple of years ago (during a rough patch), "guys can be dumb as a box of rocks, and they are not mind readers. You have to spell it out for them like a 2nd grader, or they won't have a clue. They will look over that glob of toothpaste in the sink for 2 weeks, unless you personally point it out and tell them to wipe it off. Unless you say something, they aren't going to absorb it via osmosis."

If you have kids at home, perhaps

• task them with two hours each weekend getting their rooms straightened, dusted, and vacuumed. If age appropriate, sheets changed, beds made, and laundry to the washer. Anything they do is better than nothing, and it's better than you having to stress over it. You can always shut their doors and no one will be the wiser.
• have them bring all laundry to the laundry room by a certain day and time, sorting by clothing type or color, so it's one less thing you need to do. My mom had a rule that, if your clothes weren't there by Friday AM, before we left for school, it wasn't getting done -- including our work uniforms needed for the weekend. And, any change or tip money left in our pockets, went into the "Mom's tips" jar and was not returned. I lost $57 in hard earned tips one time and never again -- 40+ years later, and I still remember that dollar figure. My sisters each lost that much, if not more. We all learned a valuable lesson that summer.
• prepare a task list each week for the Room of the Week + a room you've missed. Ask each to tackle an item or two from that list. That's a task you don't have to do. Perhaps attach a reward for large chores that take more effort or something that could be done by teamwork -- maybe something like "good for 1 dozen cookies, all to yourself" or "good for your choice for dinner on Friday night." If they always want tacos or pizza, let them work for it.
• keep a weekly chore chart to get a little assistance with maintenance tasks.

If it's just you and your spouse, have a frank talk about what his expectations are and what your capability is right now, while you're still recovering. What tasks are absolutely a must? What can he pick up from the absolutely must-be-done list? How can you accomplish the remainder, given your limitations? Can you bring a cleaning lady in, just for now, to help with deep cleaning? Maybe once or twice a month until Christmas or until you're back 100%? Maybe he could cover it and let that be your Christmas gift?

Know that, for this one year, if your home only gets a surface cleaning, so be it. Seriously, if you're hosting a gathering, what are the chances someone's going to "white glove test" the inside of your cabinets or check that your towels are all folded and neatly stacked inside the linen closet? If they do, and especially if they make a rude comment, be sure to reciprocate next time you're at their place [wink wink]. My place went 5 years before I had the energy to wipe down the baseboards. I don't think anyone ever noticed. If they'd said anything, my response would have been, "and yours are ????" (read: "Don't go there! Payback's a B!%@#!!!!")

But mostly, just breathe ... it's all good. You are here, alive, to celebrate the holiday with your family. That's the real gift! Huge hugs!

Thank you so much for this; and I'm so sorry to hear about the circumstances in which you can relate. You are right - the superficial stuff doesn't really matter at all.
I read through your reply the other day, and I put some of your advice into action already. I spoke to DH about keeping his work area clean, and helping out more with "his stuff". He has no problem doing it, I think he'd become blind to the mess to be honest. I also spoke to the kids. They're responsible for their own bedroom, which they are good at keeping clean, but I have had to speak to them about the rest of the house (leaving things in the living room etc). It all sounds a bit pedantic, but what I find overwhelming is one thing left out becomes a table-full of clutter in a matter of hours . They're old enough to tidy up their own things.
I'll implement your 'room of the week' idea this weekend. Another good idea.

In regards to your mum's lesson about the laundry - wow lol! That's one way to get a message across haha.
Thank you again for your reply

@missjane Haha yeah, DH has a higher tolerance for mess than I do. He's going to take care of the weekend meals which is great (I HATE cooking, and cleaning up in the kitchen afterwards. Tbh...I wouldn't trust him with the laundry haha!
The kids could definitely help a bit more. I think I'm partly to blame, because I ask them to tidy up, they say "In a minute" and I give them the benefit of the doubt, bedtime rolls around, and the mess is still there for me to tidy away (or leave because I've given up lol). I don't want to be strict, but I need to stop being a pushover.

I think I'm a perfectionist - I need to get over it. Thank you for your reply.

@Ahorsesoul and @sweetpumkinpye - I'll make a Top 3! In fact, I've tested the water on a few ideas with the kids, and they're not that bothered about doing all the 'things' this year (which certainly takes the pressure off). Thank you for replying.
@jampss - thanks for the video!

 

[Whusky]

Thanks again everyone.

 

[Lori K]

In regards to your mum's lesson about the laundry - wow lol! That's one way to get a message across haha.

Just to be clear, Mom's method was in part because two of my sisters and I all worked at the same restaurant that summer. While we were all slightly different sizes, there was no way she could know which uniform the $$ came out of. Rather than have us three girls fight about it, it simply became hers. We all quickly learned that summer a) to empty our pockets as soon as we got home, and/or b) to do our own laundry. ;-)