Am I being a Scrooge?

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Barbara Windermere

MHH Member
Dec 3, 2018
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Milford Haven, Pembs
Really would like some advice.

Because of some major life changes this year (having to deal with a changing jobs and moving country) my wallet is a little on the light side.

I'm doing my best to make it back to family for Christmas, but finding that the travel costs are really eating into what little funds I have.

Some have you may have seen a post/quote doing the rounds on social media saying something along the lines of:

"Don't go into debt showing people that you love them".

But I feel like if I skimp on presents I'm being a real Scrooge. But at the same time, I can't see how going deeper into my credit cards is going to help my situation, indeed I'm worried it'll only make things worse.

Family say that they'll just be happy that I'm home. I've told them that I don't want anything as I won't be able to get them presents. But still feel bad, and wonder if they're secretly upset.

What's making it worse is that I wasn't able to spend much on presents last year either because of circumstances (was made redundant) :'(

Should I bite the bullet and buy what I can on credit card, or should I continue to make ensure I don't slip further into debt and keep presents small and light this year?
 

luludou

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Dec 28, 2007
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The best thing is keep présents small, maybe homemade? Or the gift of time would be good too.
 

horsemama

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Jun 22, 2011
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I agree with luludou, how about something homemade? The internet is full of ideas for things you can make for very little money. Maybe even a heartfelt note on a nice card would be nice. One year I gave my Mom a certificate for "Best Babysitter" (she babysat my dog for me) and included a picture of my dog with it. She thought that was neat. But I would think your presence is more important than presents.
 

DahliaDoll

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Oct 15, 2007
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How would you feel? Would you rather spend time with a loved one or get a gift from them? It sounds like the former. If your family loves you, they will understand, support and love you! Keep gifts simple and inexpensive. They will know you care.
 

Miss JoDee

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Apr 22, 2011
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Many in my family are living on very limited funds so we draw names for gift giving. This year we are doing gifts from a thrift store, flee market or something we already own. I have my mom and gave her a utensil stand that holds three red pots (red is a favorite color) that she can use to serve her Christmas buffet. DH is giving DD a copper cup that he keeps his art brushes filled with colored pencils because she is taking art classes. These are gifts from the heart because we both really like what we are giving. Can you make a traditional cookie, desert that all look forward to and make that your gift or plan games for the family to do together, Christmas Bingo?

Here is an article I read recently that may help:
https://www.everydaycheapskate.com/...s/the-best-christmas-book-ever/#disqus_thread

It is your presences your family wants. They would not want you to go into debt to give them things you can't afford. (((Hugs)))
 
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Miss JoDee

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Apr 22, 2011
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Just had another thought what about an ornament from your tree? I wished so much I had remembered to get an ornament from my grandparents when we were cleaning out their house after grandpa passed.
 
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Myron's Mom

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Barbara, I agree with what has been said above. Especially what JoDee says about your family wanting your presence and not wanting you in debt to buy gifts.

I wouldn't worry about any one being upset with you. If they are unhappy that is their issue not yours. It's sounds as if you already let them know that you just can't afford it this year.

If you "must" give something how about a card to each member with a letter in it. Tell them about a special memory you have about them, how that moment is forever stored in your heart, or something that you have always admired in them, how they have helped you, impacted your life, just something personal about them. It doesn't have to be about a happy thing, it can be how you watched them face adversity, what you learned from them, look up to them and how they helped you deal with the difficulties in life. It can be anything that is personal about them.

If you have little ones that may not understand the no gift this year, get them something small but special. Maybe a ornament with a note of why you picked that for them and why they are so special to you. Or a copy of a book you loved as a child with a special note in it.

Please don't feel bad. I think we've all been in this position. I know I have- several times. In spending time with your family you are making memories with them that will last a life time. There are very, very few gifts that we buy for people that will last that long.
 

sweetpumkinpye

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Apr 23, 2008
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Hi Barbara,
sorry to hear that things have been so tight for you, hoping that things pick up real soon.

I would rather have you at my dinner table and the memories of that then a gift that I may not have in a few years.

A few years back my mum made my DD a book full of all things Christmas. She got an inexpensive note book and wrote out her favourite recipes. She wrote about Christmas when she was a child, when I was a child and when DD was a child. We put in Christmas photos of our decorated trees, the loungeroom on Christmas morning with the mess after opening presents, we put in a paper hat and a few jokes out of bon bons. It is a fabulous book, cost my mum nothing and is one of my families greatest gifts.
Maybe something like that will be a beautiful gift for your family.
 

MrsSoup

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Hi Barbara,
sorry to hear that things have been so tight for you, hoping that things pick up real soon.

I would rather have you at my dinner table and the memories of that then a gift that I may not have in a few years.

A few years back my mum made my DD a book full of all things Christmas. She got an inexpensive note book and wrote out her favourite recipes. She wrote about Christmas when she was a child, when I was a child and when DD was a child. We put in Christmas photos of our decorated trees, the loungeroom on Christmas morning with the mess after opening presents, we put in a paper hat and a few jokes out of bon bons. It is a fabulous book, cost my mum nothing and is one of my families greatest gifts.
Maybe something like that will be a beautiful gift for your family.

Katrina I love this idea! What a wonderful treasure for your DD to have and pass down to her children someday.
 

sweetpumkinpye

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Thanks Jess, yes it is a great memory book.
 

luludou

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Katrina I love that idea!
MissJoDee what great ideas with these gifts that are so thoughtful. That would be a great idea for an exchange, hum…..
 

Minta

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Oct 14, 2007
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If you feel the need to do Christmas gifts .. Pinterest is full of ideas of great homemade gifts that wont break the bank ... Rice bags, homemade fudge packaged up in a cookie cutter, jar food gifts, etc.
 

Ahorsesoul

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I'm doing my best to make it back to family for Christmas, but finding that the travel costs are really eating into what little funds I have.
Family say that they'll just be happy that I'm home. I

Your family has told you they value you more than gifts. They seem to understand your problems and would rather see you than any gift. Giving a gift you can't afford will not tell them you love them.

I too like the idea of writing down your memories of each person and telling them what makes them special to you. That would mean a lot more than any gift you could buy. Close you eyes and believe in what your family has told you.
 

Barbara Windermere

MHH Member
Dec 3, 2018
5
11
3
Milford Haven, Pembs
Thank you all SO MUCH for the response.

I was feeling quite low when I posted, but your responses have so many wonderful ideas that I will look into. I actually feel a little silly for posting this now, especially as some of you are right: if my family says they want my presence and not my presents, then they do and I should trust that!

I love the idea of starting a family Christmas book! Also, a special tree ornament sounds wonderful. Maybe I can find something traditionally Polish (as Poland is where I moved to) to adorn the tree this year :)

Again, thanks so much. Your responses have really lifted my spirits and I'm finally beginning to feel Christmassy!
 

sweetpumkinpye

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Apr 23, 2008
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Merry Christmas Barbara.
 

sweetpumkinpye

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Thankyou, Sweetpumkinpye. And from Poland, "Wesołych Swiąt"!

(although, don't ask me to say it out loud. Am still having problems with the pronunciation of that!)

LOL.