Is it OK to talk about what makes a party bad?

[SparkleNana]

MHH is SO positive and kind and good. Would it be too negative to talk about what makes a party really bad -- and how to avoid those things? If this is too negative, I hope one of the mods will remove this thread.

I am thinking about this topic because on Saturday, we went to a graduation party. It must have been 100 degrees in the house. The house is not equipped with air conditioning. There was no outside area. There were lots and lots of people invited to the party. This party included dinner, but after about a half hour, my husband and I felt really sick from the heat and had to leave. Scheduling that party, in a house with no air conditioning, on one of the hottest days of the year - made for a bad party. It was not "magical".

I think minimal physical comfort is essential for a good party.

Food can be really simple for a party. But I think there should be plenty of non-alcoholic drinks for everyone, even if something alcoholic is served too. And the food must be prepared in a sanitary manner, and kept safely warm or chilled. Food poisoning is really horrible, and it is a bad party if the guests get food poisoning.

What do you think? Do you think there are things that simply must be avoided if you are going to avoid having a "bad party"? :rnament:

 

[jackfrosty]

I don't think you're being negative. It's a good idea to discuss what 'not to do' so you make sure your gatherings are 'magical' ones! (for everyone!)
You are right-not everyone drinks and not everyone can eat everything that definatly has to be a consideration.

 

[Lana]

That party doesn't sound like it was fun at all. Should of had it at a park or something. Not everyone drinks and then to have the food out in the heat long.

 

[Snowbelle27]

Is it OK to talk about what makes a party bad?

I agree I think it is fine to discuss what makes a less than magical party. It's thought provoking and just makes you consider all the options.

:flower:

 

[jackfrosty]

I think if you are having a mixed party(kids and grown-ups :haha: ) you need to have some kind of plan for the kids. Otherwise the mixture of kids wreaking havoc and stressed moms or dads thinking they would've had a more relaxing time at home makes for a less than fun atmosphere. :flower:

 

[Cathymac]

I agree, this is a perfectly appropriate thread. We all want our parties to be successful, and it's helpful to have input from others who may have had a bad experience, so that we can avoid that.

I think the worst party is one where you are too hot (or too cold, although I personally haven't been cold since 1995), there is not enough food or enough variety of food, the kids are out of control and parents are either ignoring them or frantically trying to control them, and the conversation is stilted and uninspiring.

I'm sorry you had a bad party experience, SparkleNana. :grouphug: That would make me cranky for the rest of the day! :sad:

 

[pixiestick]

I think this a great topic Sparklenana! Sometimes in your zest to check things off your TO DO list you might forget a detail or too that can turn a good party bad in a hurry!

One thing I hate when I go to a party is not having enough "garbage" cans or ones that don't get emptied. Ick! Especially in the summer when they can attract bugs!

Also- not having enough suitable places to "set things down" ( especially if you have small kids). I mean places to set your plate/drink etc.. trying to hold a plate and drink in your lap with kids around is nearly impossible!

And at a party with a lot of people who don't know each other- nametags--- make them fun and maybe do them up ahead of time so people ( or the host) can just peel them off and stick them on. If you leave people to do it themselves it often doesn't get done!

Sometimes the little things can be the most easy to forget OR end up being really annoying.

This would be great topic to add to your party planning section of a notebook (for anytime a year) Make a little DON'T FORGET THE LITTLE THINGS list!

 

[Snowbelle27]

This would be great topic to add to your party planning section of a notebook (for anytime a year) Make a little DON'T FORGET THE LITTLE THINGS list!

This is a great ideas Pixiestick, I may just do that.

:flower:

 

[jackfrosty]

pixiestick-you're so clever! Great idea!
Question-can a party be too planned? How do you get people into activities but maintain a good flow?

 

[SparkleNana]

This is a great question, jackfrosty!

Are you talking about a "big" party where people do not know each other before the party?

If it is not too many people -10 people, say - I do a dinner - with place cards putting new people together. (The place cards are usually little pieces of paper with the person's name written on it and put on their dinner plate. I haven't reached elegance.) First, when people arrive, I have lots of drinks - water, juice, wine, beer, soda - on a table and encourage them to make their own drinks and mill around - the snacks are on another table. This is an informal way for people to chat, as they mill and eat and drink.

I also telephone each guest (or family) and ask if they have time to write down the names of the people that they don't know - and why I think they would enjoy meeting each other. I tell them things about each other they will like, and actually ask them to make little notes, so they will be looking forward to meeting the other people.

At big gatherings where we don't know many people --- say a baby shower -- sometimes the hostess will have "games". I am not the brightest bulb and I do REALLY bad at the games. True - people do get to know me - as the person who really was SO BAD at the games. It IS kind of embarasing to get known that way. :slap:

 

[jackfrosty]

Any number! :haha:
I had a cookie swap one year where we played a game that I made names of famous people and everyone got one taped to their back-then you had to walk around and ask people questions to try and determine who you were. You were only allowed one question of each person at the party-so you didn't stick with one person the whole time. It was a great ice breaker. I find the men folk aren't really receptive to this stuff-although they love the outdoor competitive games likewasher toss and lawn darts. At least the ones in our circle.

 

[starflake]

We used to do icebreakers like that in college (at retreats or in small crowds), jackfrosty. They're so much fun with the right group.

I'd like to emphasize the childcare/activity aspect. As a guest, depending on the occasion, it may be best to leave the kids at home or bring activities yourself (to be extra polite, ask the host and respect what he/she requests). Please at least try to supervise your wee ones; that's all most people ask. Chances are, if you're not, somebody else is -- and they'd probably prefer to enjoy the gathering sans kids, too.

 

[jackfrosty]

If I could add-plaese don't expect one of the other parents to watch your kids-(they're watching theirs, anyway) It isn't fair unless you trade off and children don't always listen to you if you aren't their parent! I usually get stuck with the kids at get togethers-it isn't 'stuck' for the first little while but some people take advantage. I don't know if it's because I'm a SAHM, because I don't drink enough to get bombed, or what? I'm going camping at a friends cottage this weekend with three other families. I guess I have to just look after my own and let everyone fend for themselves? :help: Not always easy.

 

[pixiestick]

I I don't know if it's because I'm a SAHM, because I don't drink enough to get bombed, or what?

Oh my! Isn't that the worst --- ending up the "designated parent" b/c others get tipsy/drunk/bombed! I have stopped going to certain people's get togethers for that very reason!

 

[SparkleNana]

I agree - getting "stuck" with other peoples' children at a party is really thoughtless of their parents. Why do the parents do this? I guess it is because they really want to enjoy themselves and do not give a thought to the effect on others. Or they do give a thought - and don't care about the other people involved. (Whenever I write about someone else's faults, I immediately do a self-check-up to see if I am being thoughtless to others at parties. It never hurts to check our own behavior, too!)

Sometimes it is a situation you just have to accept graciously. for example, if you are watching your own children and other children want to play with your children, and your children want to play with them = what can you do? Just credit it towards "earning jewels for your crown in heaven" - as my mom would say!

Other times, when you see a pattern emerging, you will have to decide what is best for your family - giving up the party - or shouldering the responsibility of caring for other children. Sometimes we have to choose the "least bad: alternative.

Sometimes, when I go to an outdoor party where there are lots of children, I ask the hostess how many children there will be -- and bring enough jars of bubble soap for everyone. (The three for b1 kind.) This is a fun activity - and the children seem to enjoy blowing bubbles around their own parents. True - it doesn't last long. But it is a visual reminder of your thoughtfulness - which may be necessary if parents are "dumping their kids on you."

How would it work to leave your own children with a family not going to the party? That way, your children could enjoy their time at another house. (You could reciprocate babysitting with the other family.) And you would not have to do ANY babysitting at the party? Just a thought. LOL

 

[jackfrosty]

Thanks, SparkleNana-you just reminded me to bring the bubbles this weekend! I'm also planning to get dollar store drink bottles and let each child decorate their own (buys me a little time) and show them how to make ice milk. Then I hope some other Moms(or Dad's) kick in!
I agree that leaving somewhere else to have fun is more relaxing. I just don't want them to miss the Family/friends time when the parties are 'kids included' affairs.
When we had DH's camp-over B-day I made sure to get craft supplies and set up a lrg. table for free play. I knew I would be running around like a chicken with my head cut off and not have the attention to give that section of the party!

 

[chilli]

I think it is also important to have a motto or a "reason" for a party. It is not enough only to invite people and provide them snacks and beverages. It is important to organize a kind of program, like DVDs, games, etc. Also a fondue is very nice, as people are busy for a while.

And one of my friends said: If you have garden-party, have a few less chairs than guests. So your guests always have to sit down on different places (when they leave their old place, someone else will sit down), meet other people and talk to each other. If you have one chair per guest than all people will remain seated on the same place and after several time most of the talks are over.

Chilli

 

[SparkleNana]

Chilli -- I love your idea about having a few less chairs than guests for a garden party. And if you put the drinks in one place, and the food in one or two places AWAY from the drinks - people will get up and walk around to get more refreshments. And then someone else will sit down in their place, and people will keep making new seating groups and talking to new people!!!

Its great to gently "help" people to talk to new people -- especially in a relaxed garden setting, with delicious food and wonderful drinks!!! arty: