Have you ever had to ban someone from your home?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Andthenjust, Aug 9, 2018 at 12:31 PM.

  1. Andthenjust

    Andthenjust Member

    I'm really sorry if this is in the wrong section, it's sort of Christmas related, but it's not along the happy theme as all the other threads!

    Basically, I'm asking for advice on how to tell a family member that she isn't welcome at our house on Christmas day this year. Last year she ruined Christmas for us all, and left my two children upset and scared. Reading that back, I shouldn't have to justify anything to her, as a normal person wouldn't need reminding/telling that she isn't invited to Christmas after such behaviour. BUT, she believes her behaviour is normal and acceptable, and therefore I'm going to have to speak to her beforehand.

    Again, I am sorry if this is in the wrong section. I weren't sure where else to post!
  2. PamelaG

    PamelaG Moderator Staff Member

    That's a tough one with a family member but traumatizing your children, and not taking any responsibility for her behavior, is totally unacceptable. I would just get with her in a private setting and tell her that based on last year's experience, it would be better if she made other plans for Christmas Day this year. It may cause hard feelings, and the relationship may break down completely, so just be prepared for that to happen but your immediate family, especially your children, have to be your priority. Ugh, drama with family members is the worst! Good luck and vent away - I'm sure many of us have been through something similar at one time or another.
  3. luludou

    luludou Well-Known Member

    I'm having the same problem. Last year crazy sil threw a fit, banging doors and shouting, she traumatized everyone. don,t know what to do with her this year. guess we'll see as the time gets closer. as we live farther away they sleep here so it's more than a few hours.
  4. sweetpumkinpye

    sweetpumkinpye Well-Known Member

    Andthenjust, One of the things I love about this group is that we are always open to everyone's problems. Some doozies have been shared over the years.
    I agree with Pamela. If the person lives close by I would suggest a get together and calmly explain to them the facts from last year and why it is not possible to have them at your celebrations this year.
    If the person does not live close by then a well penned message may be your only option. It will be uncomfortable and may damage the relationship but it is still a better option than having your children upset and traumatised. Our children are always the priority over misbehaving adults.
  5. Ahorsesoul

    Ahorsesoul Santa's Elves

    I think it's your house and your family. You can invite anyone you want to attend. Let her know she is not invited due to the behavior last year.

    Telling her the week or a few days before might prevent a long drawn out hissy fit. Or you could say you are starting a tradition of a smaller Christmas. One less is a small celebration.

    Will you be safe confronting her face to face? If not a call might be better. And let other people know what has happened so they do not just hear her side of the story.

    Something else to think about is do you need a bouncer who can help escort her away from your house should she decide to come anyway. I know a family who did this because their mother was the problem and they did not want her at their wedding. So know that you are not alone with this problem.

    It might be rough and a emotional this year but you are letting your children know that they do not have to tolerate inappropriate behaviors from other family members or friends.
  6. Minta

    Minta Administrator Staff Member

    First .. it's your house so you and your kids come first. Don't feel sorry for having to ban anyone who threatens the happiness of your kids. Kids deserve to have a happy and drama free holiday and that "Adult" should have known better. So once you inform her also inform the other members that will be attending that is not invited and asked that they not give her any information should she ask.
    housewife2 likes this.

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