Bless your heart. That is a difficult situation. I agree with the have them over for dinner group. The parents need to understand how hurt your children are.
Need advice - Do I gift kids that have wronged us?
- Thread starter Cindylouwho
- Start date
THANK YOU for all of your replies. I'm so glad I have this place for a sounding board! Hugs all around! I've been reading your replies over the past couple of days and you have helped me in determining how I'm going to handle this. (AHorseSoul -- regardless of what I do, I'm BUYING that book for my own kids for starters - then maybe we'll put it out on loan to these other kids!! That's GREAT!) 
I think what I am going to do is gift them an overall present for the family -- likely food/treats. This may be the last year but it will make ME feel better at the holiday knowing I took the high road. I've already had this discussion with my kids and they agree. Keep it simple, gift them "something" - but no individual gifts this year.
This thread has given me yet another direction to ponder though. What if I gave them an experience? One they could ONLY redeem if they came with US. Hmm... Forced time together -- possibly time to repair the relationship between the kids. Time to talk and clear the air. It couldn't be a movie. That's too material and no time to talk. (Maybe a nice visit to volunteer time at the homeless shelter?!)
I do want to believe the nice kids are still there, deep inside. Maybe if we could get them separated from Mean Girl.... but that could just be me in denial. My kids have moved on, do I really want to drag them back there and risk them being hurt again once the holidays have passed? Not really.
I think what I am going to do is gift them an overall present for the family -- likely food/treats. This may be the last year but it will make ME feel better at the holiday knowing I took the high road. I've already had this discussion with my kids and they agree. Keep it simple, gift them "something" - but no individual gifts this year.
This thread has given me yet another direction to ponder though. What if I gave them an experience? One they could ONLY redeem if they came with US. Hmm... Forced time together -- possibly time to repair the relationship between the kids. Time to talk and clear the air. It couldn't be a movie. That's too material and no time to talk. (Maybe a nice visit to volunteer time at the homeless shelter?!)
I do want to believe the nice kids are still there, deep inside. Maybe if we could get them separated from Mean Girl.... but that could just be me in denial. My kids have moved on, do I really want to drag them back there and risk them being hurt again once the holidays have passed? Not really.
I have to agree - no individual gifts. And I personally would not invite them for a meal....the relationships between the kids are too strained & your kids don't need that. If you feel you simply must do "something", the family gift is a great idea or the donation in their name. I, too, feel they are now trying to be nicey-nice because of entitlement thinking. Uh, huh. Glad to see you're not playing that game!
Good idea asking your kids their input as well, getting their feelings about it too. You don't want to force something you want to do on the kids (like going to dinner together) if it will make them feel horrible having to be there with them but still getting them a little something for the family. *thumbs up*
let us know what your decision is and how it is received. I will be curious to see how it works out.