No more gifts, Please!

[Pippi]

My DH has announced that we should stop giving gifts to adult nieces & nephews and reserve the gift giving to "children" under the age of 18.

Can someone provide me with a sensitive way of making the older "kids" aware of this?

I'm stumped, and really, really don't want to hurt anyone.

Thankyou!



Perplexed,

Pippi

 

[MrsSoup]

Personally, I don't think there is any need to say anything unless you are specifically asked about it. No one should expect presents from anyone else and it all has to end at some point with the way the economy is going and how tight things can be for people.

 

[ChristmasPir8]

Sometimes the direct approach is ok. Politely say that while you have enjoyed giving gifts to the family memebers times being what they are you are needing to cut back and will have to limit your giving to the younger kids now. I know alot of families that do it that way.

 

[luludou]

In our family we are continuing since the eldes is my dd (21) and she is still going to school. we will stop when she starts working or any of the others start working.

However in dh's family one nephew is hitting 18 in January... that will be his last gift... when our dd hit 18 his parents stopped (without saying anything... which was a bit sad for dd not getting anything and not knowing). I would prefer they have told us.. and it would've been quite allright - there is no obligation. It's just that in front of everybody not get a gift when you have been used to one - I found it a bit sad.

 

[sierra_mtns]

Lol! When I turned 16, my aunts/uncles/grandparents/parents all chipped in for a "hope chest". Every birthday and Christmas after that, I received gifts to put in the hope chest (sheets, towels, small appliances, etc)...and Christmas 18 was the magical cut off when no more gifts were given by aunts and uncles. This was the same way for siblings, starting with my older sister, so we all knew going into our 16th Christmas what our presents would be like for the next two years. That having been said ... the best birthday gift I got was a linen doily, embroidered with silk threads which had been given to my grandmother and grandfather as a wedding gift in 1919. I have it framed now and up on the wall in my bedroom.

Due to family issues -- my family has never bought presents for my DKS, and I don't remember the last time that I bought a gift for one of my siblings' children. I did take sister, niece and three grandnieces out to a nice dinner and had a girl night with them when I was back in the midwest in October, but that is a once every 3 years event.

DH's family agreed years ago that we would buy gifts for only the kids, and once you hit 21 -- you weren't a kid anymore. So this year we buy for six, but next year we buy for five, and the year after we buy for four. YDS aged out this year, he turned 21.

 

[sunshine]

if this is the first year you'll not give a gift - I'd buy a small "token" gift like a lottery ticket, etc. and explain that due to finances, the adult gifting will cease from here on out.

I agree to suddenly not get a gift at all, when one has always received one, it rather sad - and should be decided on early - well before the gift is expected.

As my dh's phased out gift giving - we did handmade gifts one year, drew names a few years, did a grab bag swap (under $5 gift limit) a few years, then ceased all together, except we buy for the parents (now just mom is left).

 

[missjane]

Unfortunately, there does come a time when gifting extended family becomes more expensive than most families can afford. We had to make that decision about 3 years ago when some of my nieces had made some poor choices which put them in dire straights finacially. They couldn't even afford for us to swap names. Until then, we bought for nieces, nephews, and great-nieces and great-nephews.

Many factors lead to the decision that we made to buy for our immediate family only - our own children, their spouses, our grandchildren and my mom. I have two sisters who are single after divorcing. It made it easier on them financially to buy for their own families. My sisters and I still buy a gift to exchange with one another. It was a hard decision with many sentimental feelings attached to it.

I think gifts for those under 18 is a good choice. I also agree that you should let your nieces and nephews know ahead of time, though.

Good luck. I hope you come to a decision that feels right for you. I will say it was still bothers me that we do it this way, but I know it's what is best for my sister's children.

 

[Ahorsesoul]

My DH has announced that we should stop giving gifts to adult nieces & nephews and reserve the gift giving to "children" under the age of 18.

Can someone provide me with a sensitive way of making the older "kids" aware of this?

Pippi, IMO DH can tell them since it was his proclamation.


All my nieces and nephews are adults now. I usually give to one niece now. She keeps in touch with me so I somethings (not always) send her some pigs. I have a few I've collected for her so I think I'll mail them for Christmas. When I turned 16 I didn't expect gifts from extended family members.

 

[Lana]

That is hard!

My sister quit giving to my kids last year. But Allen and I still gave and are this year to her 2 boys and their family. I think in the future I will cut them back. My other 3 nieces and nephews are 9, 7 and 6. Then I have the great nieces and a nephew 7, 2 and 1 so of course those guys get from all.

I would just tell the kids or their parents ahead of time. Or spend very little on them and then tell them this year is it.

 

[ejagno]

Stop means stop so I wouldn't buy little tokens and tell them "this is it". Don't blame this all on your husband. Either you made the decision as a couple or your didn't. Both of you feel that it's no longer feasible to buy for extended family. Simply state it exactly as Shannon suggested, polite but direct. Don't wait until Christmas Eve to spring it on them either. Now would be nice.

In our family the adults pull names and the little ones (children) get gifts. Teenagers pull names with the adults.

 

[ChristmasPir8]

In our family the adults pull names and the little ones (children) get gifts. Teenagers pull names with the adults.

This is what my family did. AS we got older and started getting married the Aunts and Uncles so no more. SO we all give to my grandparents and the Adult sisters and spouces exchange then the adult cousins draw names and our kids draw names so we have seperate spending limits on it. Last yr some adult cousins wanted to cut back more so we went to a chinese exchange. It went OK so we will see how it goes over this year.

I agree w/ some previous posters though if you are stopping this year some advance notice would be nice. While we shouldn't expect gift if you have received in the past and suddenly didn't it's a bit of a surprise.

 

[Doodlebug]

We used to draw names with my siblings and their children and grandchildren, but it got where some were financially unable to participate so wouldn't come. That was a bummer. Now my 2 sisters and I exchange a small inexpensive gift and then all the nieces and nephews and the greats we all bring a $10.00 gift card and have a dirty Santa with them. We always get together the 1st Saturday in January. We have soup and sandwiches and snacks and of course desserts.

 

[Pippi]

My DH has announced that we should stop giving gifts to adult nieces & nephews and reserve the gift giving to "children" under the age of 18.

Can someone provide me with a sensitive way of making the older "kids" aware of this?

I'm stumped, and really, really don't want to hurt anyone.

Thankyou!



Perplexed,

Pippi

UPDATE:

Thank you ALL for your help in this dilemna!

Actually, we (DH & myself) spoke as a united front after all gifts had been opened. We respectfully requested to be removed from the gift-giving beginning in 2013. We indicated that we have everything we could possibly ever want, and that our BEST gifts were "sitting" around the room, meaning the people.

It went very well. I do believe it cleared confusion for all.

Thanks again, ALL of You!

Happy New Year to YOU & Your's!!!!!

 

[Ahorsesoul]

Actually, we (DH & myself) spoke as a united front after all gifts had been opened. !

Excellent way to handle this! I'm glad it went so well.

 

[luludou]

Glad everything worked out for the best

 

[MinnieCo]

I'm glad it went well as well. We had the same issue come up with our eldest son. He's 21 and was in school, but left this year. So my Sister in Law asked about giving him a gift, I told her as far as I was concerned, I was fine with him being in the "grown up" list from now on.