Michelle, I could have written what you wrote!!!! My 2 year old granddaughter reminded me even on days I don't see her what JOY feels like........so that was the word I chose, to make sure every day I make TIME to find, create, spend time on some kind of joy in my life ........my family knows I am always there for them. I really like the MY above, I think I might add MY Time to the list. ....you ARE on the right track!!I was brainstorming today and I'm coming here for some help. I realized after being forced into down time in 2020 that I need to be a bit more selfish with my time again. I feel like I give, give, give and because I'm a caregiver I tend to put my needs secondary. Now I know that for woman that is very normal, but I feel in many ways it's gotten to a point where I need to do less for others in order for my mental and physical health to get to a better place. Now here's the tricky part.... The only thing I can think of is SELFISH and that has very negative connotations. I don't want to use self-care because it sounds like I want to focus on health and psychical characteristics. That's not what I'm talking about. I have alot of people around me who have alot of issues and need ALOT of attention. I just don't know that I have it to give at the moment and it means saying no more, not worrying about others as much, and using the energy I do have at the moment to be spent on things that are important to me. Does anyone have any ideas??? I did find this on Pinterest and like the overall concept. I also just looked at my words for the past 10 years and in 2010 I did ME! That's pretty close...
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I have been here and done this and I'm still doing it ... although ... stepping away a little at a time.I just don't know that I have it to give at the moment and it means saying no more, not worrying about others as much, and using the energy I do have at the moment to be spent on things that are important to me.
I LOVE Self-Preservation. I'm going to ponder that today, but I think that may be the answer. I'm a natural giver, problem solver, do-er, caretaker and so much more. As sad as it sounds, I'm just tried of giving and now feeling like I have the same comfort level of friendship and care giving in return if ever needed. I could lie and say as much as I LOVE going out of my way to do super nice things for people, that during the holidays, when it's not acknowledged it can hurt. We're taught to give without expecting things in return and trust me I believe in that whole heartily, I never expect anything, especially materialistic things in return, but I do want to feel a certain level of comfort, security, love and returned energy.I think I would call that self preservation.
I have in the past burnt my self out caring for others. honestly when I get to that point I’m no good to anyone especially my self. I had a hard time coming to terms with saying no to people. I’ve finally learned when I’m working harder to resolve the issue than the person having it then it’s time to walk away. I’ve separated my self from certain “friends” and family because they always have issues and it’s so easy to get caught up in them. There is nothing wrong with saying no.
May I gently suggest that you do one thing for yourself when you wake up in the morning? I was doing that in the fall with an early morning walk and listening to a scriptural podcast. Then we had to quarantine and there were a lot more things that had to be done. I stopped for a while. I'm back at it and I feel a huge difference by doing something for me that I want to do. This week I have added one thing to do for me after dinner.Choosing this word and taking action on my word, is going to mean some hard conversations in my household and probably with a couple friends eventually.
A gesture of thanks goes a long way. I am a giver too and do not do it to be reciprocated but I do want an acknowledgment. A thank you is not too hard surely.I never expect anything, especially materialistic things in return, but I do want to feel a certain level of comfort, security, love and returned energy.
Absolutely. I'll be honest, when I made up a special pre-Christmas package for my granddauhters who moved away this past year and my stepdaughter didn't send me a single picture of them opening or doing the activity, I was HURT. It made me stop and really think the past few weeks how I want to handle things in the future. I want to be a good long distance grandma to them, but at the end of the day she's not my daughter, she doesn't have emotional attachments like my own daughter and I wonder if it's a waste of my time and energy. I mean seriously, how long does it take to send a single picture to me while they are making and eating grinch themed pancakes I sent all the goodies for....30 seconds!? (okay...I'll stop there...before I work myself all up again). Mary, your idea is good...and I'm going to just shift it a bit and make sure after dinner and my shower I get into my creative space several evenings a week to just do what I want to do. I need to be diligent about cutting off what I'm doing each day and taking that time for me. And Katrina, it's going to take resolve while I stand my ground a bit, but I think they'll notice quickly. Overall, I think the underlining mental issue here for me is not having that confident feeling that if something really serious happened to me or I really need support in my life, those around me would do the same. That's a hard thing to swallow, but it's the truth. Thank you all again for listening...I felt very confident yesterday finalizing my word of the year.A gesture of thanks goes a long way. I am a giver too and do not do it to be reciprocated but I do want an acknowledgment. A thank you is not too hard surely.
I think there comes a time when we just have to put ourselves first and refill the energy levels. We cannot give and give without it eventually affecting us. I wonder how quickly people would notice if I pulled back and looked after me and if they would be there for me in return.
While this is tagged as a reply to Minnie, I'd like to throw out something that I've recently been reminded of, in the hopes that it can help others who are dealing with situations similar to Minnie's. Once you open a reply box, I've not found a way to remove it.Absolutely. I'll be honest, when I made up a special pre-Christmas package for my granddauhters who moved away this past year and my stepdaughter didn't send me a single picture of them opening or doing the activity, I was HURT. It made me stop and really think ...
Lori, I love that. I compare that to the emotional bank account I learned about in my 20's. I think about that alot still, but I also am always thinking about the Love Languages of those around me. Maybe they don't understand my love languages as much. But it's hard to come out and say, hey I'm a quality time person and if that's not possible acts of service would be great. Most of the people around me are definitely words of affirmation, hard core, and it takes work..lol But thank you for the thought...it's helpful!While this is tagged as a reply to Minnie, I'd like to throw out something that I've recently been reminded of, in the hopes that it can help others who are dealing with situations similar to Minnie's. Once you open a reply box, I've not found a way to remove it.
Last year, I learned about "bucket filling" from my sister, as Special Education consultant. In a nutshell, random (and genuine) acts of kindness fill others' buckets. That can be by doing something, using kind words, etc. When you give a compliment or do something for another, without expectation of getting anything in return, you are filling someone else's bucket, helping them to see their value in this harsh world. When you are unkind, uncaring, use harsh words toward someone - intentional or not, you're dipping from their bucket, inadvertently taking from their self worth. To read more about this concept, see https://bucketfillers101.com/ and some of the stories at https://bucketfillers101.com/kindness-through-bucket-filling/. Perhaps help your kids / grandkids / nieces / nephews / children of your friends to become bucket fillers, not bucket dippers.
Perhaps, explain to your DS / DSIL / DD that you give from your heart and that a kind word or photo acknowledging would help fill your bucket, whereas not even acknowledging the gift inadvertently dips into your bucket.
Hope some may find this useful, given what we've faced in 2020 and already in 2021. Love and hugs!