How about that wonderful. magical feeling - when you have been at fault - and the other person gets mad (and you KNOW they are justified!) And then some amount of time passes. You apologize. They are still mad (and hurt. Your hurt them.) And then -- out of the blue -- they forgive you! And you know they have REALLY forgiven you. They laugh and make jokes and act normal. And you feel so good and so happy. That is a magical moment. "heartstrings:
Magical Moment : When Someone Forgives You
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Jackfrosty, Please forgive yourself!!! You are such a wonderful person you deserve to forgive yourself.
Awww! Did I mention I cry very easily! Thank you, Ahorsesoul-you ladies sure brighten my day! And I'm a better person because of your friendship! :flower:
Thanks to a nudge by reading The Power of Apology, I recently made amends with an old friend of mine. We've laughed about how silly we were. It has been a transformative experience. When genuine, apologies have so much power -- even if it doesn't result in a reconciliation. Just apologizing on behalf of justice and seeking/making restitution out of consideration for yourself or a fellow human being who has been harmed. I'm sure many of us can vouch for that.
I agree-- being forgiven is a magical moment. I also believe that gathering the courage to be the one doing the forgiving is a truely powerful moment. Forgiveness is something I think our culture unfortunately doesn't give a lot of merit to and it can be something the really frees your soul!
A couple of days after reading this thread I saw a small article in a magazine that talked about this -----
http://www.theforgivenessproject.com/
jackfrosty is right to - we have to learn to forgive ourselves- why is that so hard?
http://www.theforgivenessproject.com/
jackfrosty is right to - we have to learn to forgive ourselves- why is that so hard?
Read this quote today:
"The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong."
- Mahatma Gandhi
"The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong."
- Mahatma Gandhi
That's one of my favorite quotes. Forgiveness is such a complex, intimate subject -- especially when the situation is extreme (either in incidence or intensity) and/or involves someone lacking the repentance, restitution, or responsibility that go into personal accountability.
Personally, it took me a long time to realize I could forgive a person his/her toxicity privately and separate from condoning the crime(s) or seeking reconciliation (and therefore not subject myself to further harm). I think forgiveness is a privilege, not a right -- and there are times it's healthier for a person not to forgive, at least for a period of time so they can process and heal. It's a person's private heart matter -- one of many steps on his or her unique life path to walk.
On that note... I think one of the most harmful things you can do to someone is try to pressure or guilt him/her into forgiveness, reconciliation, etc. While doing this, people typically mention "family blood" or quote religious references, which naturally insinuates they consider you deficient in warmth, heart, morality, or some "special" insight (even if that's not their intent). Just horrid (double whammy on top of the pain you already feel). And when you are a third party, in your ignorance, you may be causing harm or perpetuating evil when you intend the opposite. Even in "families," you could have no idea what goes on behind closed doors (even siblings' experiences can differ). Blessings and healing to all who have endured these earthly hells.
"Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you." ~Kahlil Gibran
Again, complex and intimate subject; respect from one being to another goes a long way.
Personally, it took me a long time to realize I could forgive a person his/her toxicity privately and separate from condoning the crime(s) or seeking reconciliation (and therefore not subject myself to further harm). I think forgiveness is a privilege, not a right -- and there are times it's healthier for a person not to forgive, at least for a period of time so they can process and heal. It's a person's private heart matter -- one of many steps on his or her unique life path to walk.
On that note... I think one of the most harmful things you can do to someone is try to pressure or guilt him/her into forgiveness, reconciliation, etc. While doing this, people typically mention "family blood" or quote religious references, which naturally insinuates they consider you deficient in warmth, heart, morality, or some "special" insight (even if that's not their intent). Just horrid (double whammy on top of the pain you already feel). And when you are a third party, in your ignorance, you may be causing harm or perpetuating evil when you intend the opposite. Even in "families," you could have no idea what goes on behind closed doors (even siblings' experiences can differ). Blessings and healing to all who have endured these earthly hells.
"Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you." ~Kahlil Gibran
Again, complex and intimate subject; respect from one being to another goes a long way.
Starflake -- that is a very wise post you have written! This topic of forgiveness truly is complex -- as complex as human experiences can be. It may be trivial for us personally - or trivial to us at times (in fact, I began the thread by writing about a fairly trivial experience.) But this topic is not at all trivial. It is HUGE!
Our MHH is an emotional place, where we share many things. It is too easy to write thoughtlessly and without respect for the fact that beloved members of this group have had life experiences very different from our own. Thank you for reminding us to speak gently and respectfully.
We are so open here at MHH that we do open ourselves to hurt. I have not been aware of members intentionally trying to inflict pain here (except for the proverbial bored teen-agers who try to assume other peoples identities.) I am so grateful for the love, wisdom, and fun shared here. :grouphug:
Our MHH is an emotional place, where we share many things. It is too easy to write thoughtlessly and without respect for the fact that beloved members of this group have had life experiences very different from our own. Thank you for reminding us to speak gently and respectfully.
We are so open here at MHH that we do open ourselves to hurt. I have not been aware of members intentionally trying to inflict pain here (except for the proverbial bored teen-agers who try to assume other peoples identities.) I am so grateful for the love, wisdom, and fun shared here. :grouphug:
:grouphug: I adore everyone here at MHH, too. We're an exceedingly considerate, warm-hearted, empathetic group. I was talking generally, not to anyone here specifically (that includes this thread). When I wrote, I was actually thinking of personal situations loved ones and I have experienced. I'm sure we've all had our share, but hopefully not here in our little festive sanctuary. :
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