Need to do some Thanksgiving venting

[jinglemom]

UGH!
We've had Thanksgiving at our house for many years. The last few years it has only been my family(5), dmil, Mom, Dad and my brother. My sister's family(4) comes every other year. Since it is mostly my family, Thanksgiving has been more relaxed and not stressful. I just found out my dfil and dh's stepmom are coming too this year, which is perfectly fine. Now dh just called and said his younger brother, and nephew are coming too, but mentioned that his older brother, dsil, dsil's son, dsil's brother, dsil's mother and a slim possibility this may also mean dsil's daughter and daughter's fiance are asking about Thanksgiving too. Dh isn't very close to his brother's, we see them at most once a year. I don't know dsil at all and certainly not her kids, brother, mom and daughters fiance.

The thing is this... I was really thinking Thanksgiving would just be how it has been, and was really glad. We have those darn hockey tournaments every weekend beginning the day after Thanksgiving until Christmas. Since we have the weekend before Thanksgiving off, I REALLY wanted to just relax and have a little fun putting up my Christmas decorations instead of cramming it in around the hockey tournaments. I was really looking foreward to this. I feel like it was the only relaxing time I was really going to have. If everyone comes though, I won't feel like I can do this. I'll feel kind of funny having Christmas decorations out with people I don't know. I also know I will be more stressed about the house being more clean and feel like bringing all the decorations out is the last thing I should be doing. This of course also means extra food and I'm really not looking foreward to having so many people then having to wake up at 4:00AM the next morning.

Dfil and stepmom coming is perfectly fine. I feel sorry for youngest dbil since he has had a really rough time with his marriage and looks like he will be divorcing, so I am glad to have him here. I like oldest dbil too and since we never see him, would feel like I couldn't tell him no, but the whole dynamics of dsil's whole family coming too is what upsets me....but then I think........it's really most likely 2 people that have never been to our house for Thanksgiving before, but that was several years ago. Would you say anything or just suck it up? Do you think I should still decorate anyway? It's just not what I wanted and I am bummed.

 

[teachermomof2]

I would still put up my decorations the weekend before. If you need to explain, you really don't, just say hockey season won't allow you any other time to decorate. As a hockey mom I totally understand that! As my mom says, don't clean for company, they'll just mess it up and make you mad. Just do your regular cleaning and don't stress.

It sounds like dh's family needs each other now.

JMO

 

[Lana]

I would also put up my decorations as planned. I know it will be alittle more stressful with more but they can also help with the dinner and you won't have to make as much and the clean up. Will be nice for all to be together. Need new family pictures? Good time.

 

[luludou]

I'd be mad too. Ok for the family but the extended family? not sure. The dynamic is not the same - it's not YOUR family time, but as I am chicken I would probably not say anything & suck it up and be mad the whole time.

I too say potluck like JF!

 

[jackfrosty]

Yes Decorate! You still gotta be you! I know Thanksgiving is usually a big turkey dinner-but under the circumstances-call everyone(or get your DH to) and tell them you are planning a thanksgiving potluck this year. It sucks when plans are changed and you already have something in your head, but sometimes(after the smoke clears) it works out okay after all. I hope it does for you, too!

 

[Ahorsesoul]

It just may turn out to be the most wonder holiday you've ever had OR you'll have so many interesting things to write to tell us about that you'll have a best selling novel.

So go with it. Call people and ask them to bring something. People who may not show up can bring some kind of dessert or something that will not be missed if they drop out.

You prepare the main items. Let the others help you out with the side dishes.

It's really about control. You wanted this holiday to be your way. Do not let this turn of events spoil your enjoyment. You have the opportunity to share your love and joy with a lot of others. Bless them with yourself.

Tell the men they are on clean up duty.

 

[aggy]

Most definately put up your decorations. Why run around crazy when you have so much going on during the holidays (talking about hockey).

The potluck idea is great, that way you don't go over budget and you can maintain a little sanity dealing with all of those extra people. It also may make people change their mind about coming knowing that they have to bring something.

 

[Ahorsesoul]

It also may make people change their mind about coming knowing that they have to bring something.

Oh aggy, you think like I do! lol

 

[happy2bme]

First off - did they invite themselves? I would not pleased if they did.

Go ahead and keep your plans to decorate. It is your house - you don't have to explain yourself to anyone.

Definitely tell them it is potluck. They don't have the right to expect you to provide an entire meal for that many people.

Get everyone involved in the clean up afterward and try to have fun. Get to know some of the people that you haven't met before and have a good time.

If things don't work out - next year you can put your foot down and say no.

 

[jinglemom]

First off - did they invite themselves? I would not pleased if they did.
.

Dsil only talked to dmil not us. Dmil told her she didn't know if we were having Thanksgiving at our house this year (to save me in case I didn't want to have everyone). Since dsil talks to youngest dbil and dfil, she's definitely going to find out. So it's either everyone or none from dh's family. I think she sees it as a who's having it and just comes. I would be very suprised if she calls us directly and asks. Without going into details... It's just the way she is.

I would love to have everyone bring something. I'll have to see what I can do about this. The problem is that some come from 2-3 hours away. I kind of worry about some family members keeping the warm things warm and cold things cold for that long so no one gets sick. I don't want to ask youngest dbil because he is in a bad financial situation. Some are notorious for being late and showing up after we already started eating. Dsil and oldest dbil have been known to decide on the day itself they don't feel like coming after all (maybe this will happen again). Ahorsesoul the dessert idea would work well. Anything like soda's, wine, chips etc. I could also ask, but have the one's I need for Christmas already purchased incase I need them. My dmil is a huge help on the day itself helping me with the cooking. My mom and dh's stepmom are always willing to help to, so it will all be ok in the end. We used to get together more often (if that tells you anything) so I don't anticipate this being my best thanksgiving ever but ya never know

Thank you for all your replies

 

[ladybugsmom]

Jinglemom,

My husband has an aunt that never calls me directly, but polls the rest of the family to see who's having Thanksgiving, and then just shows up.

In addition, she's got a bevy of medical problems, and is usually 2-3 hours LATE.

One year she showed up after I had put all the leftovers away!

And to top it all off, she has two children (DH's cousins) that sometimes come alone, with a date, or not at all.

I feel your stress! You might want to consider having it buffet style, versus a formal sit down, it makes the lateness not such a factor, and the other thing I do (which I don't tell anyone and the only person that has ever caught on is my mom) is to tell the habitual "tardy to the party" people that dinner is being served a hour before I tell everyone else to show us. They are still late, but not as bad since I started doing that!

 

[Ahorsesoul]

If you show up late at my house, it's fix your own plate. We do not wait for late people. I've found people show up late only once when they have to pull out items from the refrig to fix their plate, sit by themselves to eat and then put their plate away.

I do say "dinner is at 5:00 p.m. and we eat on time" when I invite people. So they know what time we will eat. If they want to be late, it's ok with me. Not my problem. But I'm old now so I just say what I want to say.

Beside if they do not like the way I do things maybe they won't come back. lol