Wise Words for the 2021

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Myron's Mom

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I think I would call that self preservation.

I have in the past burnt my self out caring for others. honestly when I get to that point I’m no good to anyone especially my self. I had a hard time coming to terms with saying no to people. I’ve finally learned when I’m working harder to resolve the issue than the person having it then it’s time to walk away. I’ve separated my self from certain “friends” and family because they always have issues and it’s so easy to get caught up in them. There is nothing wrong with saying no.
 

missjane

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MinnieCo, what about selective?
 

homemade4me

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I was brainstorming today and I'm coming here for some help. I realized after being forced into down time in 2020 that I need to be a bit more selfish with my time again. I feel like I give, give, give and because I'm a caregiver I tend to put my needs secondary. Now I know that for woman that is very normal, but I feel in many ways it's gotten to a point where I need to do less for others in order for my mental and physical health to get to a better place. Now here's the tricky part.... The only thing I can think of is SELFISH and that has very negative connotations. I don't want to use self-care because it sounds like I want to focus on health and psychical characteristics. That's not what I'm talking about. I have alot of people around me who have alot of issues and need ALOT of attention. I just don't know that I have it to give at the moment and it means saying no more, not worrying about others as much, and using the energy I do have at the moment to be spent on things that are important to me. Does anyone have any ideas??? I did find this on Pinterest and like the overall concept. I also just looked at my words for the past 10 years and in 2010 I did ME! That's pretty close...
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Michelle, I could have written what you wrote!!!! My 2 year old granddaughter reminded me even on days I don't see her what JOY feels like........so that was the word I chose, to make sure every day I make TIME to find, create, spend time on some kind of joy in my life ........my family knows I am always there for them. I really like the MY above, I think I might add MY Time to the list. ....you ARE on the right track!!

Laurie
 
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jampss

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I just don't know that I have it to give at the moment and it means saying no more, not worrying about others as much, and using the energy I do have at the moment to be spent on things that are important to me.
I have been here and done this and I'm still doing it ... although ... stepping away a little at a time.

Had a friend once that took all my energy and I had to step away.

And then there is DS17 with OCD/Anxiety/ADHD/ODD/ASD ... I have to learn to not worry so much and let him try (and maybe fail), let him take responsibility for his schooling and appointments. Like someone else said ... if I am doing more than he is or worrying more about it than he is ... well, that's not right and it's not healthy.

So, his therapists and life coach all have him stepping up and me and dad stepping back. Today is his first day of fall term at the college he is high dual enrolled at and ...he's been in the bathroom since early in the middle of the night. It's 6 am, he's still in there. Poor guy. :(

So, I found a free printable 2021 Planner and I have put it into a notebook, colored little doodles, thought about "me" and my goals ... and well, that's my start of trying to have self-care.
 

MinnieCo

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I think I would call that self preservation.

I have in the past burnt my self out caring for others. honestly when I get to that point I’m no good to anyone especially my self. I had a hard time coming to terms with saying no to people. I’ve finally learned when I’m working harder to resolve the issue than the person having it then it’s time to walk away. I’ve separated my self from certain “friends” and family because they always have issues and it’s so easy to get caught up in them. There is nothing wrong with saying no.
I LOVE Self-Preservation. I'm going to ponder that today, but I think that may be the answer. I'm a natural giver, problem solver, do-er, caretaker and so much more. As sad as it sounds, I'm just tried of giving and now feeling like I have the same comfort level of friendship and care giving in return if ever needed. I could lie and say as much as I LOVE going out of my way to do super nice things for people, that during the holidays, when it's not acknowledged it can hurt. We're taught to give without expecting things in return and trust me I believe in that whole heartily, I never expect anything, especially materialistic things in return, but I do want to feel a certain level of comfort, security, love and returned energy.

Thank you all for your input...I needed it desperately. Choosing this word and taking action on my word, is going to mean some hard conversations in my household and probably with a couple friends eventually.
 

Holiday_Mom

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Choosing this word and taking action on my word, is going to mean some hard conversations in my household and probably with a couple friends eventually.
May I gently suggest that you do one thing for yourself when you wake up in the morning? :) I was doing that in the fall with an early morning walk and listening to a scriptural podcast. Then we had to quarantine and there were a lot more things that had to be done. I stopped for a while. I'm back at it and I feel a huge difference by doing something for me that I want to do. This week I have added one thing to do for me after dinner.
 

sweetpumkinpye

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I never expect anything, especially materialistic things in return, but I do want to feel a certain level of comfort, security, love and returned energy.
A gesture of thanks goes a long way. I am a giver too and do not do it to be reciprocated but I do want an acknowledgment. A thank you is not too hard surely.
I think there comes a time when we just have to put ourselves first and refill the energy levels. We cannot give and give without it eventually affecting us. I wonder how quickly people would notice if I pulled back and looked after me and if they would be there for me in return.
 

MinnieCo

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A gesture of thanks goes a long way. I am a giver too and do not do it to be reciprocated but I do want an acknowledgment. A thank you is not too hard surely.
I think there comes a time when we just have to put ourselves first and refill the energy levels. We cannot give and give without it eventually affecting us. I wonder how quickly people would notice if I pulled back and looked after me and if they would be there for me in return.
Absolutely. I'll be honest, when I made up a special pre-Christmas package for my granddauhters who moved away this past year and my stepdaughter didn't send me a single picture of them opening or doing the activity, I was HURT. It made me stop and really think the past few weeks how I want to handle things in the future. I want to be a good long distance grandma to them, but at the end of the day she's not my daughter, she doesn't have emotional attachments like my own daughter and I wonder if it's a waste of my time and energy. I mean seriously, how long does it take to send a single picture to me while they are making and eating grinch themed pancakes I sent all the goodies for....30 seconds!? (okay...I'll stop there...before I work myself all up again). Mary, your idea is good...and I'm going to just shift it a bit and make sure after dinner and my shower I get into my creative space several evenings a week to just do what I want to do. I need to be diligent about cutting off what I'm doing each day and taking that time for me. And Katrina, it's going to take resolve while I stand my ground a bit, but I think they'll notice quickly. Overall, I think the underlining mental issue here for me is not having that confident feeling that if something really serious happened to me or I really need support in my life, those around me would do the same. That's a hard thing to swallow, but it's the truth. Thank you all again for listening...I felt very confident yesterday finalizing my word of the year.
 

PamelaG

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My word is ACCEPT - accept what I can handle and find a workaround for anything I cannot. I managed to accomplish a lot in Vic's absence but there are some things I just can't do via FaceTime or on my own. I have to accept that and move on.
 

Lori K

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Absolutely. I'll be honest, when I made up a special pre-Christmas package for my granddauhters who moved away this past year and my stepdaughter didn't send me a single picture of them opening or doing the activity, I was HURT. It made me stop and really think ...
While this is tagged as a reply to Minnie, I'd like to throw out something that I've recently been reminded of, in the hopes that it can help others who are dealing with situations similar to Minnie's. Once you open a reply box, I've not found a way to remove it.

Last year, I learned about "bucket filling" from my sister, as Special Education consultant. In a nutshell, random (and genuine) acts of kindness fill others' buckets. That can be by doing something, using kind words, etc. When you give a compliment or do something for another, without expectation of getting anything in return, you are filling someone else's bucket, helping them to see their value in this harsh world. When you are unkind, uncaring, use harsh words toward someone - intentional or not, you're dipping from their bucket, inadvertently taking from their self worth. To read more about this concept, see https://bucketfillers101.com/ and some of the stories at https://bucketfillers101.com/kindness-through-bucket-filling/. Perhaps help your kids / grandkids / nieces / nephews / children of your friends to become bucket fillers, not bucket dippers.

Perhaps, explain to your DS / DSIL / DD that you give from your heart and that a kind word or photo acknowledging would help fill your bucket, whereas not even acknowledging the gift inadvertently dips into your bucket.

Hope some may find this useful, given what we've faced in 2020 and already in 2021. Love and hugs!
 
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sweetpumkinpye

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Lori, further to the bucket analogy. I have a mental bucket, little drips fill that bucket every day, sometimes at a quicker rate than others. When I get anxious or overwhelmed I have to empty the bucket a little so that I have room and the risk of my bucket spilling over is lessened.. If people ask me to do things and my bucket is near the top I have to decide if I can help or if I have to empty the bucket. I often tell my family that my bucket is full and I need them to help empty it with me. That means I need them to help take the load off.
I am not sure if I am explaining this and it is making sense how I am writing it.
 

MinnieCo

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While this is tagged as a reply to Minnie, I'd like to throw out something that I've recently been reminded of, in the hopes that it can help others who are dealing with situations similar to Minnie's. Once you open a reply box, I've not found a way to remove it.

Last year, I learned about "bucket filling" from my sister, as Special Education consultant. In a nutshell, random (and genuine) acts of kindness fill others' buckets. That can be by doing something, using kind words, etc. When you give a compliment or do something for another, without expectation of getting anything in return, you are filling someone else's bucket, helping them to see their value in this harsh world. When you are unkind, uncaring, use harsh words toward someone - intentional or not, you're dipping from their bucket, inadvertently taking from their self worth. To read more about this concept, see https://bucketfillers101.com/ and some of the stories at https://bucketfillers101.com/kindness-through-bucket-filling/. Perhaps help your kids / grandkids / nieces / nephews / children of your friends to become bucket fillers, not bucket dippers.

Perhaps, explain to your DS / DSIL / DD that you give from your heart and that a kind word or photo acknowledging would help fill your bucket, whereas not even acknowledging the gift inadvertently dips into your bucket.

Hope some may find this useful, given what we've faced in 2020 and already in 2021. Love and hugs!
Lori, I love that. I compare that to the emotional bank account I learned about in my 20's. I think about that alot still, but I also am always thinking about the Love Languages of those around me. Maybe they don't understand my love languages as much. But it's hard to come out and say, hey I'm a quality time person and if that's not possible acts of service would be great. Most of the people around me are definitely words of affirmation, hard core, and it takes work..lol But thank you for the thought...it's helpful!
 

missjane

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After much deliberation with myself, I think my word for 2013 is going to be tranquility.

I've come to see that much of this can be affected not only by what I allow into my life, how I see myself, the expectations I place on myself, what I expect to receive from others, and how healthy I am spiritually, but also how I choose to react to it. I listened to a really good devotional today about how we beat ourselves up for our weaknesses and failures and forget that God loves us and builds us up when we feel like we're failing at life.

I need to go back and bookmark that site and listen to it at least once a week. The Bible says God sings over His children, and I am one of those. He will not leave me nor forsake me. He will always provide me with what I need in all areas of my life. When I remember that, it will be easier for me to go to a place of tranquility in my mind. I don't know what this year will bring. What I do know is when it's finished, I want to be able to say, "It is well with my soul." I love the story behind that song. That's tranquility. That's joy unspeakable...a joy that surpasses understanding.
 

sweetpumkinpye

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Revisiting this.
I have done quite well with the beginning of the year.
I have been working on decluttering all rooms of the house and making little changes here and there. Trying to make the home work for us as empty nesters and getting the rooms more cosy before Winter hits.

Am working hard on making improvements at work, things have been a struggle but I am rolling with it.
Trying to work on not procrastinating and making every moment count.
Little improvements along the way.
 

Holiday_Mom

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I'm doing okay with my word. Right now, I'm working on fulfilling one goal at a time until I can get myself in a good habit. I'm also trying to get a grasp on what it means to be fulfilled. What level of fulfillment am I looking to attain?

I think what I felt was missing was taking time out for me to do what I want to do for myself. I hadn't been taking time out like I use to do for activities that energize my soul, that bring me to life. For instance, I take time daily for a walk but it's not necessarily what I want to do but what I have to do for my health. Don't get me wrong, I do feel energized afterwards but it wasn't fulfilling that deep soul need.
 

sweetpumkinpye

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Mary, I think time for ourselves is so important. I never used to think that, I thought that taking time out when there was so many things to do was selfish. Now I believe the complete opposite. If I am not in the right place mentally and physically how can I take care of the things that need doing here? Sitting for an hour with a book, having a nap or doing a puzzle is all it takes to recharge and start again.
 

AnnieClaus

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This is a great thread with great discussion.

I am so feeling MinnieCo, Katrina and others.

I also give, give, give. And it is often not acknowledged or appreciated.

Thankful for my family here, fellow givers. :)

Annie
 

jampss

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The Minimal Mom had self care ...
:)