I think you did the right thing as long as it makes you happy. If you bake, maybe you can put together a special basket or tray to smooth things over, I think someone already suggested it ... One of the important things during the holiday season is being at peace with yourself. You know the saying "If mama isn't happy, then nobody is happy" and I really think that is true!!
When Enough is Enough
- Thread starter happy2bme
- Start date
Mel I commend you. I like giving gifts and I don't expect any in return but appreciate whatever I do get. My closest friends and I decided a few years ago to only do Secret Santa instead of going out buying everyone a gift. It works out perfect for us. When the time comes that I don't want to buy everyone in my family a gift, I have no problem telling them and don't give a darn how they feel about it.
If you don't want to buy gifts for the extended family that's your parogative. You can't worry that your sister doesn't like it. All that matters is you and YOUR family (DH and DK's).
If you don't want to buy gifts for the extended family that's your parogative. You can't worry that your sister doesn't like it. All that matters is you and YOUR family (DH and DK's).
Mel, I was the one in my famliy who finally said, "Enough!" I am the youngest of three sisters. We always bought for nieces, nephews, cousins. When our son got married and both he and his wife were going to college and only one was working...part-time, I told everyone that it was ridiculous. I had been trying to get them to draw names or cut back for about 4 years. No one had the money or the time any more. Boy were they mad! But now it is no big deal. Last year, after her daughters got married and were broke, one of my sisters thought it was a great idea. Amazing how life circumstances change our viewpoint!
My sister, who is on the most limited income of all, is the one who still insists she is going to buy for everyone, but she is retired and has time to go to thrift shops and browse all day. She finds great bargains. And we are fine with her buying for everyone if she wants to. She is fine with not getting from everyone.
How she handles this is on her shoulders, not yours.
My sister, who is on the most limited income of all, is the one who still insists she is going to buy for everyone, but she is retired and has time to go to thrift shops and browse all day. She finds great bargains. And we are fine with her buying for everyone if she wants to. She is fine with not getting from everyone.
How she handles this is on her shoulders, not yours.
A few years ago my brothers, sister and myself decided it was enough we couldn't afford to buy for each other, we all do buy for the kids still. On a much smaller scale then we used too. My sister is actually my step sister but our parents have been married over 32 years now and she is my sister. She does more for our brothers kids then mine and I also do more for our brothers kids but it is not done around either of our children. Which is fine.
I do get kinda mad though since my oldest dd is the first grandchild, first niece and the first girl in the family for 25 yrs. She gets spoiled rotten at christmas or anytime of the year for that matter. Since her birthday is in Feb. my brother try to pass her gifts off as Christmas/Birthday presents. She is the type of kid that if a new phone comes out she has to have it, new Ipod she wants it. Does she get them yes from her uncles. All she has todo is call one of them say something and she has it. Just like a few weeks ago when school started she has a chance to go to Italy and France this summer with a group of kids and teacher. The cost $3000. I don't have it, I would love to have that extra to send her. It is her dream to backpack thru both before going to college. My mom had told me that her and my dad would do what they could to help my brothers found out and her trip was paid for by the time the first payment was due.
It needs to stop with her but I just don't know how to get them to stop.
I do get kinda mad though since my oldest dd is the first grandchild, first niece and the first girl in the family for 25 yrs. She gets spoiled rotten at christmas or anytime of the year for that matter. Since her birthday is in Feb. my brother try to pass her gifts off as Christmas/Birthday presents. She is the type of kid that if a new phone comes out she has to have it, new Ipod she wants it. Does she get them yes from her uncles. All she has todo is call one of them say something and she has it. Just like a few weeks ago when school started she has a chance to go to Italy and France this summer with a group of kids and teacher. The cost $3000. I don't have it, I would love to have that extra to send her. It is her dream to backpack thru both before going to college. My mom had told me that her and my dad would do what they could to help my brothers found out and her trip was paid for by the time the first payment was due.
It needs to stop with her but I just don't know how to get them to stop.
As I said here before Mel, My Mom, Dad, Sis and her family all decided to cut back big time.. Mom and Dad do stockings for everyone and thats it.. My sis and I contribute together small things to make them each a stocking.. books, book marks, teas, etc..
We only buy for the 3 little ones.. if you are under 16, you get a present from Mom and Dad and me and my sis.. but not all the grownup kids, cause they cant afford it, but this does give the younger ones 3 gifts each to open Christmas eve at Moms..
If you are 16 or over, you buy something for 5.00 limit.. unisex.. we have seen lottery tickets, coffee mug, ITunes card, McDonalds Card, socks, scarf, hat, CD, DVD on sale, its amazing the little trinkets you can get for 5.00.. each buys something , wraps it , then we do that game where every one draws a number... Number 1 gets screwed.. you open the first one you pick and then #2 can take yours or a new one.. so on and so on.. it gets very funny and can be drug out for awhile.. the little ones even though they love their 3 presents always get excited to become a part of that game, so it transitions them well into the 16 and over group without missing the gifts..
We have made Christmas more about the meal, the family, the togetherness.. it has made a WORLD of difference in our mood on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day...
then on Christmas Day, its just my kids, grandkids and I do have Mom and Dad , cause my sis has to cook for her hubbys family.. I always have a small gift for my Mom and Dad, a picture, or a basket of home baked stuff, etc.. but again , its about the day..
We only buy for the 3 little ones.. if you are under 16, you get a present from Mom and Dad and me and my sis.. but not all the grownup kids, cause they cant afford it, but this does give the younger ones 3 gifts each to open Christmas eve at Moms..
If you are 16 or over, you buy something for 5.00 limit.. unisex.. we have seen lottery tickets, coffee mug, ITunes card, McDonalds Card, socks, scarf, hat, CD, DVD on sale, its amazing the little trinkets you can get for 5.00.. each buys something , wraps it , then we do that game where every one draws a number... Number 1 gets screwed.. you open the first one you pick and then #2 can take yours or a new one.. so on and so on.. it gets very funny and can be drug out for awhile.. the little ones even though they love their 3 presents always get excited to become a part of that game, so it transitions them well into the 16 and over group without missing the gifts..
We have made Christmas more about the meal, the family, the togetherness.. it has made a WORLD of difference in our mood on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day...
then on Christmas Day, its just my kids, grandkids and I do have Mom and Dad , cause my sis has to cook for her hubbys family.. I always have a small gift for my Mom and Dad, a picture, or a basket of home baked stuff, etc.. but again , its about the day..
Becky - I like that idea about the 16 +. I'll bring it up this year and tell them we could do that in a few years and see... I know they still need stuff when they are in school but as soon as they start working it'll be an exchange, they could join us - brothers & sisters.
My sister's kids don't need anything... they get all they want & usually just before Christmas. They are very hard to buy for. DbrotherS's daughter also has more than she needs.. they've always had alot but now that she's alone since her sister left it's even worse. My kids have enough too.
But DbrotherE's kids are small - they do have lots of toys but E has less money... so I buy more clothes.
Yep, writing this down... we could start them next year on the exchange (this year the pick is already done).
My sister's kids don't need anything... they get all they want & usually just before Christmas. They are very hard to buy for. DbrotherS's daughter also has more than she needs.. they've always had alot but now that she's alone since her sister left it's even worse. My kids have enough too.
But DbrotherE's kids are small - they do have lots of toys but E has less money... so I buy more clothes.
Yep, writing this down... we could start them next year on the exchange (this year the pick is already done).
Thanks again everyone for your kind words and support. By the sounds of it, I am not the only person who has ever dealt with this.
I can't tell you what a relief it is to have done this. I am so excited for the holidays now. No one is bullying me or causing me stress. The last few years my attitude about Christmas has changed. Maybe it is because my kids are getting older, but I am finding that I want the holidays to be about experiences not gifts.
I still haven't heard from her and this worries me. I want to know that she got the email, so there isn't trouble later if she says she didn't get it. DH says she knows and is probably trying to figure out some horrible thing to say or do to ruin Christmas for us.
Well, we aren't going to let that happen.
Thanks again, everyone.
I can't tell you what a relief it is to have done this. I am so excited for the holidays now. No one is bullying me or causing me stress. The last few years my attitude about Christmas has changed. Maybe it is because my kids are getting older, but I am finding that I want the holidays to be about experiences not gifts.
I still haven't heard from her and this worries me. I want to know that she got the email, so there isn't trouble later if she says she didn't get it. DH says she knows and is probably trying to figure out some horrible thing to say or do to ruin Christmas for us.
Well, we aren't going to let that happen.
Thanks again, everyone.
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Another suggestion are you close enough where you guys could all do an experiance thing together?
Before we left Saturday morning we had lake effect snow my niece called my dd to wish her luck and tell her the snow was falling and soon it would be time todo the family winter stuff.
The biggest being our day long sleding party last year we had about 50 people kids can invite friends we do also. We have this huge hill at camp you have to have the snowmobiles or 4 wheelers to get back up it after sliding down it. We all sled for about 3 to 4 hours, my dad went down into camp and started turkey breast in the smoker we all brought somesort of food we had everything from hot food to cold food. Lots of hot chocolate the woodstove in camp was going so that the little ones and anyone could be warm (the two 2yr olds mainly). There was a huge snowball fight going on, kids being thrown in the snow by adults and some adults ending up in them from the kids. Unfortantly we had a quite a few days of warm weather so we didn't trust the ice on the pond for ice skateing. We had a great day and the kids friends that went last year are already asking about this years sledding party and ones that heard about it asked if they could go this year.
There are alot of other things that we do also like our whole family jumps into three cars and goes to our Lights on the Lake every year it costs like $6.00 a car load one year we even walked it on the night they did that.
What is great is every Christmas morning at my moms house this is the thing that the kids remember not what they got from whom the year before, its what we did as a whole family that they remember.
Before we left Saturday morning we had lake effect snow my niece called my dd to wish her luck and tell her the snow was falling and soon it would be time todo the family winter stuff.
The biggest being our day long sleding party last year we had about 50 people kids can invite friends we do also. We have this huge hill at camp you have to have the snowmobiles or 4 wheelers to get back up it after sliding down it. We all sled for about 3 to 4 hours, my dad went down into camp and started turkey breast in the smoker we all brought somesort of food we had everything from hot food to cold food. Lots of hot chocolate the woodstove in camp was going so that the little ones and anyone could be warm (the two 2yr olds mainly). There was a huge snowball fight going on, kids being thrown in the snow by adults and some adults ending up in them from the kids. Unfortantly we had a quite a few days of warm weather so we didn't trust the ice on the pond for ice skateing. We had a great day and the kids friends that went last year are already asking about this years sledding party and ones that heard about it asked if they could go this year.
There are alot of other things that we do also like our whole family jumps into three cars and goes to our Lights on the Lake every year it costs like $6.00 a car load one year we even walked it on the night they did that.
What is great is every Christmas morning at my moms house this is the thing that the kids remember not what they got from whom the year before, its what we did as a whole family that they remember.
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I finally got a response from my sister.
An email that contained two words - That's fine.
That is all she wrote. Nothing else. We haven't spoken since July.
She is mad. I am trying not to get upset.
This will probably make our relationship even more strained.
Oh well.
An email that contained two words - That's fine.
That is all she wrote. Nothing else. We haven't spoken since July.
She is mad. I am trying not to get upset.
This will probably make our relationship even more strained.
Oh well.
Mel, I am glad that you got a response. I know that you have been worrying about this for a while. I know that I am not in your shoes but here goes...
Too bad if she is mad. She will have to get over it. It sounds to me like things have been not so good for a while so it is not like this decision is going to ruin your relationship. It is already pretty rocky. You have to do what you feel comfortable with no matter how hard it may seem. Why should your feelings not count. If you are stressed about buying gifts then stop buying gifts. If your sister only loves you because you buy gifts at Christmas...well enough said.
To quote a very dear friend of ours "this too shall pass"
HUGS,
Too bad if she is mad. She will have to get over it. It sounds to me like things have been not so good for a while so it is not like this decision is going to ruin your relationship. It is already pretty rocky. You have to do what you feel comfortable with no matter how hard it may seem. Why should your feelings not count. If you are stressed about buying gifts then stop buying gifts. If your sister only loves you because you buy gifts at Christmas...well enough said.
To quote a very dear friend of ours "this too shall pass"
HUGS,
Well that was a short & sweet answer! Hang in there Mel. It is your right to not want to stress about buying them gifts. 
You've got my support.
You've got my support.
Mel - At least you know she received the email. Now, how she acts and deals with this is on her shoulders. You carry on and create that magical day for those around you and try not to get caught up in her crap. Thanks for the update.
Thanks for your kind words.
I am feeling better about it this morning. I know that she knows and that is what I have been waiting for.
The stress is off me and now I can enjoy celebrating my favorite holiday!!
Yippee!!!!!
I am feeling better about it this morning. I know that she knows and that is what I have been waiting for.
The stress is off me and now I can enjoy celebrating my favorite holiday!!
Yippee!!!!!
Good to know she acknowledged your email. Her abrupt reply may be a guilt-inducing attempt. Stick to your guns. You can't be responsible for her actions. I'm with the others......enjoy YOUR family.
Mel, I agree with Katrina and everyone else. I think you did the right thing! I was lucky enough to have that choice already made when I married my husband. They would give to the kids and grandma and grandpa. My family is small, so I still buy some gifts for everyone. My parents and I haven't talked much lately, but I'm still sending each of them a nice gift. They've always sent very nice gifts, we just tease that we never know when we'll get them. Sometimes it's in January, other times its been in July...No Kidding! I always wonder why family drama is so hard!!!
Mel, I am so glad the stress if off of you. I don't think anyone needs added stress at this time of year.
The older I get the more I wish that things were simpler, when the true spirit of the season was still alive.
Here is to a stress free holiday !
The older I get the more I wish that things were simpler, when the true spirit of the season was still alive.
Here is to a stress free holiday !
Mel:
Good for you! You stood up to a bully with a very 'adult' response. Don't let her egg you on. Just enjoy the holiday with less stress!!
I understand sisters can be tough. I have 2 who make me crazy regularly.
Love ya girl,
~Allison
Good for you! You stood up to a bully with a very 'adult' response. Don't let her egg you on. Just enjoy the holiday with less stress!!
I understand sisters can be tough. I have 2 who make me crazy regularly.
Love ya girl,
~Allison
Yes, I agree with all that's been said here. Your first ministry is to your family! And yes, the older I get, the simpler I want things!
My dad just sent out an email and said do to the shortness of money and the addition of spouses ... they can only do for the grand-kids and they only ask for prayers, cards and kisses in return this year!
My dad just sent out an email and said do to the shortness of money and the addition of spouses ... they can only do for the grand-kids and they only ask for prayers, cards and kisses in return this year!
